To be Attached or Detached?

Long ago I read Vi’s Of Sylvia, Echoes, and Empty Rooms. That post made me get too nostalgic and I wanted to write so much in that comment space of hers that I realized I need to write them down as a post than a comment.

Eventually, I did start writing this one, the very day that I made that comment (18 September 2007 at 3:49 pm), but then, some how I got digressed in my daily rush of activities that it lay forgotten amidst all my files. Guess today is a day to get nostalgic. When I was clearing up my folders, I stumbled upon this incomplete write-up and said, let me make some logical conclusion to the fragment idea of mine.

Vi’s said post made me rewind and go back in life to the times when I was at high school. That was the time when I was starting to understand the world around me. I was kid who had been very reluctant to grow up. Even now, when I think of high school, I still think of myself as a kid. I was a kid for most part of my school life, and in fact got out of the cocoon to spread my wings very late in life. But then, even now, I haven’t grown in the real worldly sense, I doubt if I would ever grow up.

The idea of not getting attached to things that Vi talks about in her post, did sound too close to me. For with or without my knowledge for a long time in my life, I had lived a life that way, except that I had been attached to a person way too much and it did hurt real bad when that person had to leave me and go. But this person had been my real life example who taught me with her life, not to get attached to anything in life. I was learning to comprehend the world around me. Like how every kid first comprehends the one that’s closest to him/her, (mostly the mother) I started looking at and asking questions of whatever my granny did.

She never had anything to her, when I say anything I really mean it. All she left for us, when she died were 2 worn out sarees which actually is a treasure beyond measure for us. She never collected anything in life. Not that she had a great cushioned life where she can go collecting stuff. But even when she did have a cushioned life towards the last 2 decades of her life, she never collected and discouraged us from adding stuff too. Whatever I am today or I have made of myself as of today, is all because of her. Not that I have done anything great; but what little has been possible, has become possible because of her. She is the reason and the person who is mostly responsible for whatever I am today.

Everything I have today, right from my values, to my knowledge in cooking, to my attitude in life, to my attitude towards anything in life, the basics were learnt from her. She instilled pride in me. She instilled the attitude to aim at perfection in what little work I do. She instilled in me that there is pride in washing utensils and washing clothes and in mopping the floor. No work is less or no work is great. She laid the foundation in me and my brother when we were kids and made us get to wherever we are today. I cannot say that we have achieved anything great, but I do know she was proud of the human beings that she created in us. She taught us to be ourselves and most important to be comfortable of who we are. Above all, she taught us how to be both ambitious and contented.

All she had was another nine yards saree that she would need the next day to wear. She lived a life with nothing else to call hers. She did have a lot of people around her. She had her son, her daughter and 7 grandkids. But things, she had none. As we started growing up, me and my brother realized that she did need a 3rd saree and she was denying herself. Sometimes, during rainy days when we used retunr from school and hug her, we would feel that her clothes were damp. The few days that it rains in Madras, can many times leave a 9 yards saree remain damp even after the 20 odd hours it had had to dry.

Oh, I still remember how much we had to force her to have a 3rd saree. Even then she complied more for our sake than her own. She did not want us hugging her in that dampness for fear of getting us sick. As I said earlier, there were days when clothes would not dry in Madras because of rains; of course they are just a few days in a year, but with just 2 sarees in place and they being 9 yards, you can imagine, how difficult it would be to find a dry one in rains.

I can easily visualize the color of her saree and feel the smell of her in that saree. It always used to be the same colors with the replacement happening in the very same colors again. One of them would be a dark green, one a dark blue and the other a dark maroon and all would have some kind of thread work done for 1/4 inch as a border on both ends of the saree. Every year she would replace them and discard the old ones. For that, dad would pay the money to my aunt to get them, for then dad did not know much about sarees. But even way after, that became a habit and it was aunt who always got granny her sarees, but mind you, dad has to pay for it. Grannies and their idiosyncrasies :-)

I remember asking her many times, 'why do you always wear the same color and why is it that athai should buy it to you?' She would give that beautiful smile of hers and say ‘Oh, it started because, your appa did not know what to look for in a saree when buying and athai did not have that kind of money to spare then, but now that it has become a habit, I don’t want to change it. Plus, it is your dad who pays for it anyway. And I enjoy it that my daughter gets it for me from the shop. So both of them together take care of their mother’s need. Moreover, all you need is some clothing to cover yourself up. What is there in a color? It should be clean; that’s all there is to it. Why give it too much of importance. Get too much attached to such mundane things they will start ruling you.’

Many times, I wish I learned to live a life like her. She knew to find joy in simple small things around her. Unlike many granny’s whom I have seen, she knew how to laugh. For a woman who was widowed in her late 20s she sure knew how to be happy. I am still learning and I know I have a long long way to go ahead of me, not that I am a collector of things, but still :-)

I still feel this is incomplete, but in part this is complete, in a whole sense incomplete though. Writing about her will always be incomplete for I can never get words to express what I feel for her to my satisfaction. I am named after her, though that name is not my official name, in my family circle, I am known to carry her name. Hope she blesses me to carry on her attitude towards life too. Is it this that they call detached attachment?

Of This & That

This and that and that and oh that too.

I have been noticing a trend in me of late that I don’t seem to like it a wee bit.

1. I haven’t been blogging as much as I would like to. I do have a lot to say, rave and rant about, but am scared seeing them written. Some of my real life folks read this space and do not want to shock them. That is taking my mind off blogging any little stuff that I want to write by itself.
2. I attended a Unnikrishnan’s light-music concert in Dallas recently, as recent as the 5th of October. Had a great evening, thanks to a friend who was part of the Vibha group which organized the show, getting the tickets was a breeze. I am yet to write about that. I really want to and intended to write about it, but something keeps me away from typing it down.

3. Its officially 2 years since mom’s demise. It hurts real bad at times; I hate to acknowledge it. I guess, its going to haunt me my whole life. So many things attached with itself that revolves around the year 2005 eats me terribly inside. Wish I grow out of it.

4. I hate myself for being what I am, where I have ended up myself today, but guess there is no way getting out of it in any near future. So no point brooding over it.

5. When I was younger It used to be easy to believe in God. God knows what happened to me and that belief of mine as I started growing older. Of late I find it very difficult to believe in God. Funny how I feel that, if I could set that right, it could help me feel better.

6. My patience of putting up with nonsense that I used to earlier is growing weak as days go by. Guess I am growing old.

7. I very recently read all the 7 potter books at one go and just finished the 7 one. I had already read them all earlier. But now, it was all the 7 in quick succession. That was indeed good. Enjoyed doing that.

8. After nearly 7 years I got to spend some 3 months with dad without any break in-between. Miss him bad after having all those good times with him so very recently. Felt really bad seeing him grown old. Felt even worse realizing that the hero of my life can at times falter.

9. Having spent that time with dad, I miss being with my brother more. More so, when I know he is with dad at home to perform mom's ceremony.

10. I just realized that its been a real long time since I made any new friends which at tomes makes me feel sad. Sadder still, I have lost touch with almost all my old ones too, the ones who do mean a lot to me. So much so, I do not have a friend whom I can just call up and talk to and meet for dinner. And that makes me realize I do not have a single friend to whom I can talk in the city that I live :-( Another sign that I am growing old.

11. When I was young and even now, I thought and still think marriage is all about companionship. Oh how very naïve and wrong I am and had been all along. With all due respect to R, if at all, marriage has taught me something, its made me realize very clearly, that I am alone and really alone in this world. More so than when I was unmarried. Am I getting cynical?

12. I have never felt as alone as I have been feeling of late, my entire life. Hope this is something I will come to terms with pretty quick. That way, I wouldnt spend my precious time in being in the dumps. I know this is a passing phase, but this time, this has stayed in place longer than I would like to.

13. There are so many questions that I would like to ask with reference to my very existence, but will I get answers. When I know I am not going to get any answers why am I asking them in the first place? Beats me!

Movies with Dad

Sometime back during March/April, R sold the idea successfully this time that we need a big screen TV and eventually we bought it. And we switched over to a 50 inch plasma TV. Dad was visiting us in January and we did not have it then. So when we bought later, myself and R were mighty confused if we should tell him or let him discover it himself when he visits again. For we were planning right from March, to make him visit in June. And I had to beg my brother to not tell dad, for I had to tell him that we had gone for the big one at home.

God, how much we roamed around dallas to get a shelf for the TV, or is it a stand that would go the way I wanted it to go. Really tough time we had I tell you. Finding shelving units to match the rest of the furniture that we had in place. But in the end, all went well, not without some solid roaming of close to 2 weeks and some assembling and dismantling and some returns back to the store.

But anyways the end result was great. Dad has been freaking out on it since he came, and I cannot have enough words for R for having successfully made me purchase the idea of buying a big screen TV. And we have been enjoying it tremendously since then.

Dad being a movie buff that he is, when he came in July was way too excited seeing the TV. Moreover, dad hates doing movies in the theatres for they are too loud for him. And it’s been really years since appa seen a movie in the theatre. He would wait for it to come on the TV or a DVD to watch the same for watching them at home suits him the best. So all the more fun seeing him watch.

So with him at home with us the last couple of months I have been making my poor dad watch so many movies. Most of them my favorites. I do do a brief of the movie to him and let him do the choice of course. And we have watched quite some old ones too. Luckily, he is pretty quick with the sub-titles and so I have been able to make him watch so many and hopefully he enjoyed them as much as he says he enjoyed them.

I have been making him watch so many movies.. many of them the anthology kind of movies right from Harry Potter 1 to the 5th in IMAX (his first IMAX movie) to Die Hard, to Rush Hour 1, 2 and 3, Spidey 1 and 2 (haven’t gone to the theatre yet to watch the 3rd) Indiana Jones 1 – Riders of the Ark, Lord of the Rings, all the 3 of them (he just loved it) Sixth Sense, Poltergeist, Von Ryan’s Express, The Bourne Series (the one and two in DVD and the third in the movie hall)--he just loved it the best--, The Witness for Prosecution, Akeelah and the Bee and many more. I cannot remember the names of many movies that I made him watch.

Oh yes, we did watch Sivaji together too which actually was my second time. Of course that was in a movie hall. And I did make him watch some of the English ones in movie halls too. But still somehow, he is happy seeing them at home rather than the movie halls. Beats me. I go to the movie halls because I like the loud noise of the theatres. He hates it. Guess it has to do with age. For I remember my granny asking us to reduce the volume of our stereos when we growing up.

Apart from these, we did do a re-do of some Rajini movies. Add to it, the visit to Sea World in San Antonio and various other small time outings. What fun filled days the last few weeks were. I got to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with Dad in Dallas.

The first cricket series in our big screen TV was the India tour of England and we all got to see it together. Watching Cricket with appa is really great. Felt like I had gone to my 6th grade or 7th grade for a few fleeting moments. Except that those were the times when I missed my brother and the whole gang. Anyways the last few weeks have been a blast after a long time in my life :)

September 14 2007

I complete a year today on Blogpost! Not bad, I did not let this blog die like all those journals that I maintained all along in my life. May not be as regular as I would like to be. But a lot better than not writing at all. Also made a couple of friends in the process (woo hoo)

Here’s for me for completing a year and this year on this 14th of September of 2007, I have dad visiting me in Dallas here. Another year goes by with me just watching it go.

Funny, appa remembered the day today, when all those years you had fought with him for forgetting the day. It’s the second year without you around and it sometime hurts to think, that I understand you more as I grow up.

Deathly Hallows

The last weekend, it was the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Being a potter maniac myself, I got the book around mid-day on Saturday and sat down to read it late that night. I somehow did not like the idea that with this book it is all over. So decided to take it slow but after sometime, the fever caught me and in spite of being busy with so many things to get done, I ended up finishing it late on Tuesday. Every time, I had to get up from reading it, I would curse myself and the person who made me get up which would either be my dad or R.

R and dad came up with this mighty idea that they would take care of the cooking on Sunday with R telling me that he was going to make lettuce kootu and dad with okra curry. Of late, R has been spending a lot of his weekend time in the kitchen, doing a lot of different things and everytime he had done that, we have had some great lunch and dinners during weekends. So I am really happy with the idea and I go find a nice cozy place to read with my book, a water jug and some snacks to eat when reading.

But guess, last Sunday was not my day. The lettuce kootu ends up in a fiasco, and for the okra curry I would have gotten up some 4 times. But luckily, that did not need replacement as it came out well. Add to that the times, I got up to get stuff around for the lettuce kootu. The lettuce is abandoned and we got to look for something else to do in its place. Luckily R hadn’t added the paruppu to it yet. So I still had the daal to use. With a lot of cursings and yellings and what not, I rummage the fridge and find out that we had pumpkin.

The cutting session for the pumpkin begins with some more abuses directed towards R’s side. He did not want to get into the kitchen anymore saying that its not a good day for him for he has been goofing up too many things. So me and dad get the pumpkin ready and I put it to cook, getting many other things done around the kitchen in a speed that’s totally new to me and get the kootu eventually ready. I go have my bath and we have the food, and there I go back to the book. And of course I keep getting disturbed thoroughly through out the day, with R threatening me when I leave the book behind that he is going to read the last chapter and spill it out.

It indeed was an awesome experience that I had reading it. Being a bit sick with allergy and sinus, I decided to take the Monday off from work with R saying that I am taking the day off to read Deathly Hallows and my brother seconding him when I called him later that day. Little do I care. I do nothing for the whole day, let my dad make just some rice and end up feeling as weird as I could with the sinus pressure really hitting me hard. But I had to read the book, and so read as much as my eyes and head would allow me to, and eventually finished it late on Tuesday with R again pitching in to do the dinner which ended up pretty good this time.

All good things have to come to an end. No matter how much I hate that sentence, I have to accept the fact that its over. Anyways, I had never expected it to go on and on in the first place. Did want to know what happens to Harry, Ron, Hermione, Vol- eh, You-know-who and the whole bunch. And for that it has to come to a end. Its just that I cannot come to terms that its over. I am going to read the whole thing from book one, guess that might make me be at peace with myself and accept the fact that the Potter series is actually complete.

All in all I loved the book. All my favorite characters are there, may not exactly be the way I like them to be, but they are there and in the end, some of them die. The dead ones come back and since it is a wizard’s world that I am in, I don’t question them when they come back, but then, JKR does say they are not real. The dead that are dead are indeed dead. Even when they come back, they are happy and are not real. All the ends were tied up pretty neatly, except for a few which I guess could be filled up as after thoughts to the series. I remember reading somewhere, guess it was mugglenet, that JKR is coming up sometime later with an encyclopedia on the characters of the Harry Potter series or something like that, where she is going to talk about many other stuff that were left open or not closed, in detail. Just cannot wait to lay my hands on it. I read some lovely reviews and articles on HP in the last few days that I at times did feel too over whelmed with Harry Potter. Some of them, I couldn't read for I hadn't read the book yet. But feasted myself on Wednesday over those articles.

I am going to take some time off, read each one back to back in peace again and see if there are still any loose ends that I cannot connect. Its been a long time since I read the last ones and I do not remember Half-Blood Prince well let alone Chamber of Secrets or Prisoner of Azkaban.

After seeing the movies or what is I am not sure, I can hear the actors speaking for the characters when I was reading Deathly Hallows. Could it be that I had just seen the Order of Phoenix and this was an after effect of that?

**********SPOILERS AHEAD**********

Harry, Ron and Hermione roam all around England and eventually realize that one of the horcruxes could be Regalus Black’s-Sirius’s brother-locket. And somehow gain the confidence of Kreacher and he decides to help Harry with his tale on the locket. The legend of Hallows is good too. I like the way these 3 teen-ers actually go around thinking they can do stuff and how they struggle around, have arguments, fight with each other, how Ron quits and regrets quitting and eventually joins them again. I like the Doe thing.. Like Baradwaj Rangan says that reminded me too of the deer in Ramayana. But didn’t guess that it could be Snape’s patronus though. (One more reason, I need to read all the 7 at one go). Guess I liked that Snape was a good guy (could be the crush that I have for Alan Rickman makes me say that) but he is not all that good either. The shades of dark are still there in him. Making Dumbledore have dark shades also made sense. The way Harry says, ‘…but then he was our age’ was really good. The King’s Cross chapter I guess was JKR’s way of explaining why she let Dumbledore go free.

And above all, the battle scenes in Hogwarts does indeed fulfill the absence of Hogwarts in the initial chapters and it does so immensely. (Would love to see that in big screen. But then, none of the movies gave me the satisfaction that I get from reading the books.) Would have loved to see Umbridge getting kicked more. I really felt too sad when Bellatrix was hurting Hermione that it was so good to see Mrs. Weasely taking over Bellatrix and in what a fashion? Just too good. I could see the actors in my mind doing the duel against each other. (Another after effect of seeing Order of Phoenix). Felt bad that Lupin and Tonks had to go, after their brief time being married, but then with Harry being the godfather of little Teddy Lupin that was sure thing to happen. The kid has someone right. Still a bit sad. The worst was Dobby and Fred. I liked Dobby when I read the Chambers and more after seeing the movie. And I loved Fred and George right from Sorcerer’s Stone. Instead of Percy turning good and coming back, he could have died for Fred, if a Weasely has to die.

I liked the way Harry decides to go after the horcruxes and not hallows. The way he feels that for the first time that he has decided to not do something. That was indeed good. And after all that roaming around the way they were at Bill’s and Fleur’s made it feel like there were free in a house while they were in a sort of prison out in the wild. I liked that metaphor.

I just loved it when Neville drew the sword from the hat. That was one my favorite lines in the book. It was great to see Neville heading it at Hogwarts when Harry goes out to meet You-know-who all alone. I loved the way Neville's grandmom got involved and the way she was proud of her grandson. And one very favorite scene was the one where Ron pulls Harry out of the lake. And the way Harry is so happy to see Ron. A very poignant moment. I loved the way Hermione screams at Ron when he comes back and how Harry conjures a shield between them to protect Ron. Another one was when after Fred's death if I am sure, when Neville, Luna and Seamus (not sure if its Seamus or someone else) conjures up the patronus for them when the dementors come. That was another emotional moment for me.

The way, it an all out war was just too good. It was not some of them were huddled up home or caught somewhere. Everyone were out there trying to help Harry. That was one thing that I just revelled in when reading the book.

I enjoyed the epilogue. Kind of ended the whole thing where it started. Not actually, but sort of in a way. If there is one thing that was eeeks, Albus Serverus.. that was a bit hard to take. But I liked the way Harry tells him, 'You were named after 2 Hogwarts head masters and one of them was the bravest man I ever knew, and he was in Slytherin, so dont worry.' I really liked that. That's the reason we like Harry. Of course, I had to re-read the few lines to know who Hugo, Rose, James, Lily and Albus were. The best is Draco’s son Scorpius. What a name? Laughed a bit at reading that. And the animosity is still there where Hermione has to scream at Ron. I liked it where he says to Rose, ‘grandfather Weasely may not like it if you get married to a pureblood.’ Hilarious.

But in the end, there are so many questions that go unanswered. The Epilogue was indeed a long one, and anyways the book was close to 750 pages, a few more wouldn't have hurt. Some that are nagging me are:

1. How come Ron or Ginny missed giving Fred’s name to any of their kids?
2. George may have done that. And what is George doing?
3. Whatever happened to the Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes?
4. What happened to the map?
5. What are the death-eaters doing now?
6. What is Lucius and Narcissa doing now?
7. What is Draco doing for a living?
8. Who is in the Ministry?

There are still many more that I would like to ask. But then, Fred and George are my favorites. There were real darlings who gave such laughter when reading the book. I loved the way they give the map to Harry, the way they create those toffees and was not happy by the way they were cut off in the Goblet of Fire movie. (One more reason why the movies were not as satisfying as the books).

All said, I just loved reading it and am sure to do a reading of the whole series very soon. Thank you Rowling for an awesome read!

ps. I think, this has been my longest post ever to date :-)

Woooo Hoooo

Am all set to go to two mega events... one today and another on Sunday.

1. I am going for my first music concert in a stadium. I have been music concerts before, the ones that happen inside halls, but this would my first one in a Open Air Theatre and its going to be the concert of AR Rahman. I have no words to say how mightily thrilled I am. I have been looking forward for this from late April, so this evening is one that I am going to remember for a long time.
2. I am going to see Sivaji - The Boss on Sunday with R and a couple of my friends. Too much to take in one weekend.

With two such events in quick succession, I just cannot contain myself. Its like, I have been literally on cloud 9 the whole of this week. In fact, I have postponed Pirates yet again (a story by itself for which I shall come up with a write-up in its whole entirety later) to next weekend. The weekend, it got released, I had to postpone seeing it, as I wanted to see 1 and 2 before seeing World's End. Then at last found the time to see both in one session last weekend. But then with this weekend being so filled up, I did not want to lose the joy of seeing Pirates. So it has gotten postponed again.

Post Script to Jaane Do Na

My husband, the Illayaraja fanatic that he is did not get that mightily impressed as myself on Cheeni Kum and to my favorite Jaane Do Na, he said not only was it an imitation of the Tamil version as I had identified, but was actually from a Kannada song of which he had forgotten the lyrics. He said, that Illayaraja initially came up with that composition for Kannada and then used it for a tamil movie.

And last Friday when I did some blog jumping I read somewhere – as usual lost the source – that it was a song named Jotheyali Jothe Jotheyali from a Kannada movie named Geetha. As usual, I got to musicindiaonline.com and I now prefer that one. The orchestration in that is even better, especially the violin and the voices of both Janaki and SPB. But I still do like the Hindi version better to the Tamil one.

Anyways, so much over a song. And Cheeni Kum is still the ones that I am listening to. :)

ps. Yet to see the movie though.

Losing a Loved One

A colleague’s father breathed his last, last night. He had been struggling for some months now, so its not very painful to know that she is not going to have her father around anymore. These days; I keep hearing such stuff a lot. Makes me realize that I am growing old. People in my circle are growing old and their parents in turn are growing old. I am not scared of death. It’s something that makes your realize that this life on earth is not going to last an eternity and one day your turn will come. I guess, handling the turn when your loved ones are taken away from you is more painful than that of your end. I cannot say that for sure yet, for I did struggle to come to terms when I lost my loved ones and havent seen mine yet. Especially my granny. I lost her even before she could breathe her last and that really hurt me a lot. This news being the first thing that I heard when I came in today, made me go down memory lane.

The worst part is the void you feel when you know you do not have that person in flesh and blood around you. It’s that void that is way too unsettling to take in. And having her in flesh and blood and you still cannot reach her for she is not available to you in worldly terms is painful. The most is when you see her in pain. Hopefully, all that is gone once the soul leaves the body.

May his soul rest in peace.

My Dad going hi-tech!

Appa is a unique personality that cannot be defined that easily. He is the kind of dad, who is always out to please his son and daughter no matter how much he has to work for it. I once remember Amitabh Bachan being asked a question in an interview about how his relationship with Abishek is as both of them act together and there is this generation gap of a father and a son between them. Amitabh replied saying that he is a very obedient dad. Wonder how he stole that answer from my dad or is it a school of dads who just do that. Be obedient to their children.

He is always there, no matter what, it would appear he is obedient, but lemme tell you, he would make you dance to his whims and fancies and you wouldn’t even know that you are dancing to his tunes. He would reason it out so well that you would adopt it to be your tune and if he realizes the music is good on the other side, I tell you, you would get a genuine appreciation and he would adopt it himself. That’s something that I enjoyed in him and its one the many things that he has that makes me feel proud to be his daughter.

One such thing was using cell phones and he deciding to get hi-tech to stay in touch on communication with his kids. Oh god, how many times has he pressed the ‘end call’ button to ‘pick’ up a call. And after talking to ‘end’ a call, he would just end up pressing the ‘end call’ button a little too much and switch off the phone. Then would sit waiting for his son to call and wonder why this son of his hasn’t called.

After a wait of about an hour and 2 or 3 vethali pakku with pogayalai done, he would decide to call his son to find out why he hasn’t called and would pick up the land line and call him up.

My Bro: En appa, ivalo neram phone panna. Enna pannina nee, un cell phone work pannalaya?
Appa: Ennamo therila da. Pakkathulaye dhan vechundu irukken. Nee dhan pannalai. Panni irundha adichirukkume.
My Bro: Enakkennamo nee adhai switch off pannitiyonnu doubt. Eduthu paaru, if there is light on the screen?

He takes the mobile and tries to look at it with a keen copyrighted look of his to find out that he has switched his cell off. (If anyone has seen him they would know the way he looks or tries to read something without his glasses and with the vethalai in his mouth—that’s a beautiful sight to see).

Appa: Amaam da, light kaanom. Switch off pannitten pol irukku. Naan onnum pannalaye.
My Bro: Enkitta pesittu, enna pannina?
Appa: un kitta pesittu, phone off panninen. (that is he did a ‘end call’).
My Bro: Hmm… Naan nenekkaren.. nee andha button-a romba azhuthitta. Adhan phone off aayiduthu.
Appa: Ok! That was the reason, it didn’t ring all this while. Look here … enakkellam idhu othu varadhu. Appavala mudiyadhu. Enakku indha land line pdhum. Ennai ellam nee hi-tech aaka pakkadhey.

And if think my brother would accept that for an answer, then you got it wrong. (Of course, you do not know him the way I do, right?)

My Bro: Idha paar, naan innimey unakku phone pannina, cell phone-nukku dhan pannuven, so adhai un pakkathula vechukko. Unakku dhan, pakka theriyardhu illai, if it is switched off, u know to switch it on. So use the cell phone.

So that’s how the phone call ended this day.

Not knowing any of this, I call up my brother after a week long gap. It has been a couple of days since I spoke to my dad too.

Vidya: Deai, enna da pannarey? Busy-a?
My Bro: Illai dee..Sollu!
Vidya: Ennatha solla. Enna pannarey? Appa kitta pesiniya?
My Bro: kekkadhey, I did a mistake of getting him a wrong cell phone. Adhu konjam over-a end call button amukkina phone off aayidradhu. So appa appo appo cell phone off pannidra.
Vidya: Landline-kku panna vendiyadhu dhaney.
My Bro: Naan matten. I want him to learn to use the Cell phone.

(I realize, ivan edho solli irukkan appava. Andha kovathula dhan, enkitta indha mari cryptic-a pesaran. If not, he would be highly enthusiastic to receive a call from me any day.)

Okay, I now decide to make a call to appa.

Vidya: Hey Appa emi pannarey?
Appa: Onnum illai dee, ippo dhan paattiya pothi vittutu, indha book eduthu vechunden padikkalamnu.
Vidya: Naan keduthuttena?
Appa: Illai dee kanna. Sollu. Enna pananrey? Konthai eppadi irukke?
Vidya: Super-a irukken. And so is un mappalai. Nee sollu. Un pillai pesinana?
Appa: Panninan dee, but, naan ennamo panni vechutten andha cell-phone adikkalai. Paavam aasai-ya phone panni irukkan, neraya try panni irukka and had got upset that I did not pick it up. Oru vazhiya edutha podhu, kathittu, vechuttan. Enakku edhukku indha cell phoneum mannagattiyum.
Vidya: Hmm.. free-a vidu. Avan dhan loosunnu theriyumey. Thana land line phone pannuvan. Kandukkadhey.
Appa: avanukku irukku. Naan kathukkaren iru. Avanukku SMS anupparen iru.
Vidya: Yebba! Paravaillaiye.. konjam pola unakkum rosham vandhuduthey. Seri, inga vera onnum vishesham illai. Naan nalikki phone pannaren.

Ippadi irundha my dad, these days is sending us SMS messages, wishing us Good Morning and Good Night and sending us small notes as updates! And is using the cell phone to a very great extent. And is still walking right along side us the way he used to make us walk beside him when he was teaching us when I was 15 and my brother 11 right along side him. Its a bit silly, but we still have to share anything and everything with our dad. I am a little better and can accept that he can grow old. But my brother can never ever accept that his dad can grow old. He has to have dad for everything and this man enjoys it equally.

And at 70 he really has gotten hi-tech to prove he can do it! Keep it up PA!

September 14 1969—It is 37 years today!

Never once even remotely did I think, that I would undergo the kind of emotions I undergo these days for a person who when living never made me to even be aware of what I should have been. It has been almost a year. Of course I know that today is the 14th of September in 2006 and for this day to come from the 14th of September in 2005 the earth has to do a full circle which means a full whole year. But this heart of mine is not ready to accept that and thinks of this day last year as if it all just happened yesterday.

The phone call I made that day is still so fresh in my memory. The way she was so excited over a small gift that her husband, my dad, had given her. She sounded like a kid getting something the first time. It was such a small thing, for I did get to see it when I went home in November. But mind you, how much ever small it may be, it was a gift of gold. And this man really knew how to get into her heart. Oh how I wish I could turn back time. So many things have become so simple these days compared to what it used to be. Why is it taking so long for people to find how to go back in time?

There is still so much ask you, tell you, let you know how I feel about you and also learn how you really feel about me. Funny, I did not ever think that marriage could make you understand your mother so well. Is this some kind of a cheap trick that God wants to play on me for the tough times that I gave you? I never meant to be bad. I still sometimes cannot think of another way to react to certain situations that I reacted.

Makes me think yet again, if only I could turn back time I might try to do it different this time (I still am not sure if I would do it right – the right that you would define as right). But would sure try to get the message through you that with all the defects a person can have, I and we all love you amma and you would be missed acutely.

Hey, Mangamma Sabadam! Happy Anniversary Dee! So indha varusham enna thantha appa unakku?