Expecations and Disappointments???

One of the major stand points of Buddha was that desire is the root cause of all misery. He asked man to despise desire if he wanted to get away from misery.

Me humbly thinks expectation would fit in very well for desire. And say, expecation is the root cause of all disappointments.

There is so much that can be answered in life if we could only understand expectation. I read somewhere about the cause and effect stuff that seems to be ruling everything in this world. That can be equated very well to expectation and the result of an expectation. When the result suits us, we are so thrilled and happy about it. But otherwise, we end up being down in the dumps.

It all starts with an unusual thing happening some day. Then the same thing happens another day, and then another day in quick succession. It could be anything from someone saying a HI to your husband buying you flowers on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. And eventually, having had that happen a couple of times too often, the next step is to look forward to it. And oops ... there comes a day when you are forgotten (or for some genuine reason) and the Hi or the flowers do not come your way. You are down in the dumps and get angry at the one who hasn’t delivered the Hi or the flowers.

But tell me, is it fair on our part to get angry? Of course we have returned the Hi and said thanks when receiving something. I didn’t ask him/her to tell me a Hi or get me flowers. I am not that uncultured not thank or return the Hi. But then, was it right on my part, in the first place, to get angry at that person who hasn’t delivered at that time? Wasn’t it my expectation that had the bruises? Is it not me who is responsible for letting it take over me? Eventually sometimes we do communicate our anger. With all the ifs and buts and what nots. But there are some instances where we do not and keep holding a grudge.

That was just an example of straight-forward expectation. But in real life, there are so many instances which unfortunately are not straight-forward. There is so much of stuff that we take for granted in this world and expect it in a cultured conversation for we are living in a civilized world. But the irony is does it exist? (I mean the civilized world and the cultured conversation—is it not still a world only the fittest survives and did we not learn when we were kids that, that was the law of the jungle—please correct me if I am wrong) Why do I expect someone to understand and behave like a civilized human being?

Just because I think I am living in a civilized world does not necessarily mean the opposite party has to think the same and display civilized behavior. What exactly is a civilized behavior? Who defines it? And does this person who interacts with me follow the same definition as mine. For if not, we are bound to cross boundaries and eventually end up have a rough phase in our relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship or whatever it is. The same can be applied to any community. Be it real world or virtual.

I had thought I had mastered to be away from that mode of expecting after all the depressing times that I have had way back in life. But unfortunately, or is it fortunate for to expect is also to be hopeful and being hopeful is good. (Again, someone correct me if I am wrong, that was what I was taught in school, but then, these days I am unlearning a lot of things that I learnt as a child—so I may be wrong again) I realized only yesterday that I am not yet above that.

These days it’s a different kinda expectation. When I log into e bloggler, looking for any comments, for the last few days I have been receiving at least one. And I have stared looking forward to it now. That’s when I realized that I could fall into the rut of expecting very soon. So to remind myself what could happen when I start expecting, I realized let me refresh my memory of the disappointments associated with expectations.

They really go hand in hand. Some of us get depressed with disappointments, while some go raving and ranting, while some have learnt to just brush it and go forward. How I envy them. I am the first kind and eventually read a book to get out of it.

Now, now, now, writing on this topic doesn’t mean that I am disappointed and depressed about something. Neither does it mean I have grown out of the mode of expecting. I am just happy at this moment in life, thanking God for this wonderful life that I am living with all that I have and also with all that I do not have. Thanks Aanju! Thanks a lot!

ps. Aanju—means Aanjaneyar in my dictionary :)