Another Year Goes By Without You Amma.....

Funny how time flies. Yet another year goes by with me standing and watching it go by. Its officially 2 years since I started this blog on that morning of September 14 2006. And this year I am posting a post a few days later after 14th of September 2008 on the 18th of September. I still have dated this "Sunday, September 14, 2008" for the obvious reason. Its been more than 6 months since I wrote something here. I haven't even replied to the comments of some of my fellow blog friends. I cannot say I had been busy that I couldn't acknowledge comments. I do value their comments and their friendships. Guess I lost the drive and had been too engrossed in myself. But this was a day that I did not want to let go like all the others.

I like the poems of Emily Dickinson. One notable thing about her poems is brevity. There is one poem in particular that I love a lot. You can find the poem here -- http://www.bartleby.com/113/4085.html

I am going to reproduce the words for my own sake. Its such a small one, and is just 8 lines. This particular one has always fascinated me right from the first time I have read it. This was something I have always heard from my granny. She would just say, as time goes by things will fall in place. As as kid I never really understood. But of late, I can relate so much to the poem. I was one person who really resented growing up and I still do in many ways. Which always takes me to what my brother would say... "Insecurity and pain is inherent in growth!" Many times I think though he is younger than me, he really is way too wiser than me.

THEY say that “time assuages”,—
Time never did assuage;
An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
Time is a test of trouble,
But not a remedy.
If such it prove, it prove too
There was no malady.

Time sure plays a lot of tricks in one's mind. The way you go through something makes you so strong that after a particular time when you look back you can really laugh at yourself. The only thing that matters for me is, I don't want to be laughing alone when laughing at myself and I don't want anyone laughing at me when I am not laughing either. But thank god, luckily I am not alone and I do have someone who can laugh with me at myself and at my idiosyncrasies and do it only when I laugh at myself.

Amma, I did remember you ... not that I remember you only on the 14th of Sep... its just that around this time you really trouble me a lot. You still puzzle me a lot. With every passing day, I seem to understand you more. I cannot say, I can accept all that I understand, but understand I guess I do. Its the third year without you. I did talk to appa ... but this year we did not talk about you today. This year was a lot better than last year.. Guess time really does assuage or is that I have learnt to handle it and get stronger. Whatever time really is a test of trouble.

One more significant thing about this post is its my 50th post. Funny... I wanted to write something substantial for a long time and was postponing posting something here and I end up posting now to register a date.