Nalladhor Veenai

This has been a favorite of mine from my 6th or 7th grade. That was a time when I never seem to understand the song. But loved the way, it was rendered by SPB in K.B’s Varumaiyin Niram Sigappu. The combination of music and the voice were really catchy. Being one of the popular songs of Barathi, this one has been rendered by almost all of the leading singers. But some how, I like this one and the one rendered by Rajkumar Barathi in Ezhavadhu Manidhan the best.

You can also listen to many others if you do a search on Music India Online under S on this page. They have some 3 entries with different spellings for Barathi.

But as years passed and as I started seeing life as it was, some of Barathi’s songs did make me feel better at those moments, when I had felt really down in life. They have taken care to help me bounce back to enthusiasm. They have made me believe that things can be achieved. Helped me to believe in God.

In this particular song the poet portrays a mood where he is very depressed. He is not seeing things go the way he wants it. He has been trying hard and the world does not seem to allow him to go the way he wants. As usual he does the same thing that he does always. Turns to his only solace Sivasakthi or Sakthi as he sometimes calls her. His Mother, God, the Life Giver, his Goddess. He believes in this all pervading energy called Sakthi and is happy at her feet, wanting to keep singing her praises always.

But with so many needs in this life to just make an ordinary living, we get to feel defeated so many times. It’s the soul’s lament not to feel defeated. That’s how I look at this song.

The poet is asking his Sakthi, if she will let him to rot, after having given him everything in the form of raw material. Is it not her duty to take care of the seed sown? That’s crux of this song.

Note: I have transliterated the Tamil lyrics. They are bold and italicized
with the translation being followed in regular font.It is a crude translation
and is my humble attempt in translating my favorite poet.

Nalladhor Veenai Seidhey Adhai Nalan Keda Puzhudhiyil Erivadhundo?
Solladi Sivasakthi, Ennai Sudar migum arivudan Padaithu Vittai.
Vallamai Thaarayo, indha maanilam payanura vaazhvadharke?
Solladi Sivasakthi, Nila sumaiyena vaazhndhida puriguvaiyo?

Tell me O’ Sivasakthi, will one throw away into trash—a perfectly crafted musical instrument?
You have created me excellently well with a great wisdom.
Tell me O’ Sivasakthi, will You not give me the strength and power—
To be of any value to Mother Earth or will You let me be a burden on this land?

Visaiyuru bandhinai pol ullam vendiya padi sellum udal ketten
Nasaiaru manam ketten, Nitham navam ena sudar tharum uyir ketten
Dhasaiyinai Thee Sudinum, Sivasakthiyai paadum naal Agam Ketten
Asaivaru Madhi Ketten, Ivai Arulvadhil unnkkedhum thadai ulladho?

All I ask for is—
A body that would obey the commands of my heart—with the swiftness of a thrown ball;
A clean enthusiastic spirit;
A life that springs anew into being daily: bright and energetic;
A pure soul—to sing Your praises even when the skin is scorched by fire;
An unshakable mind—
Do You have any issues in granting me these?

I ask, you write—13 (2)

This is in response to Ammani's I ask, you write -13

When you walked in through their door, you found them both on their hands and knees searching the floor for something. I guess you know what had happened.

On hearing the door bell ring, 7 year old Arun with suppressed laughter gets up. “Divya, hope it is not amma. If it is you are gone. You better find it and wear it before she comes. It cannot be amma. It is not 6.00 pm yet. But if she is early, you are caught.” So saying, he goes to open the door. It was their dad, Krishnan. Arun yells to his granny inside, “Paati, appa is here” and goes back to assist Divya in her search.

Seeing them both on their hands and knees searching the floor, Krishnan knows what they are looking for. “Akka lost her screw appa. Paati does not know yet”, bursts out Arun. He cannot contain himself any longer. This was his chance to be the no mischief kid. “So you did forget to check the screw on the gold ear-ring and lost it around or is it that you dropped it when wearing it?” asks Krishnan in a stiff voice. “Oh appa! Please. I had oil bath today. Had removed it and was trying to wear it myself a few minutes back, when I was standing and wearing it and the back screw just slipped my hand. I am sorry appa, will be careful next time, I promise. Please appa, search it for me. Please before amma could come and create a racket about it” pleaded the 10 year old Divya.

Krishnan was in a way happy to see Divya serious about her mistake. Arun was the real brother now, not fighting and searching for her. He knows the consequence of loosing an heirloom like that. What kind of wrath will Divya be in at his mom’s hands. He had witnessed something of that sort not very long ago. Divya did have an uncanny nature of always dropping things and never serious about it. She is a real kid with all the carelessness of a kid but has always liked wearing jewels much to the dismay of her dad. But being a girl child of a South-Indian Brahmin family, her interest in wearing jewelry was a welcome. The screw in question of this particular ear-ring was auspicious to wear according to her granny and amma. It has been a family heirloom. If only they knew that Divya has dropped it somewhere and is searching for it would mean so much of bad luck to both of them and the poor kid would be in big trouble. Reflecting thus, and seeing them both search, he saw that there was 20 minutes more for Prema to come from office.

“Amma, I am in the children’s room with Divya and Arun. Give me the coffee here.” So saying, he went on his hands and knees and started searching with them for the ear-ring screw.

I ask, you write—15 (1)

My first attempt to Ammani's I ask, you write series. This is in response to I ask, you write 15.

“She was born in 1940. The second of five children born to Vedaranyam Sesadri and Rajalakshmi ammal. She passed away after a brief illness in November 2006. How will Jagada be remembered?”

Meena and Shankar woke to the constant ringing of the phone. Shankar picked up the ringing phone from the dresser and left the bedroom. With the return of silence, Meena pulls up the quilt and looks at the clock to see its just 5.50 am. “Who would be calling at such an odd hour?” So thinking, still groggy from sleep she tries to go back to sleep. Strangely, deep down in her heart, it was something she had expected. Shankar comes back in a few minutes and lies down.

“Meenu, are you awake?” Still hazy, she goes “hmm…?” Somehow, Meena seems to know that Shankar has something not so nice to tell her. “Your mom, passed away a few hours back in India.” “What?” says Meena springing up in the bed, “We spoke to her last night and she did sound fine?” As if to get a confirmation from Shankar, she goes “didn’t she?” Shankar, getting up, equally upset with the news, “it was your brother from Singapore. She has had a cardiac arrest. Your dad had reached him. He called from the airport checking for flights to Madras. I will go make some tea for us. We can think what to do and check out available flights in sometime.” So saying he goes to make the tea.

Meena, still in a state of shock, goes back in time to what lead to her mom’s demise. It was the accident in May on her way back from the temple that made her bedridden in hospital for almost 6 months and eventually took her away from this world in the name of cardiac arrest.

Jagada was never a mom for Meena. Jagada was more of an elder sister, always an equal making Meena, excel in what she was doing. All along, Meena and Jagada have always fought with each other. Like how two sisters would fight with each other. Meena had a tough time as a kid with Jagada as her mother. There was never a dull moment in the family with Meena’s dad and granny always to her rescue. Jagada was another kid in the family with Meena and her brother.

Oh, how much Meena has started understanding her mother after marriage in the last 3 years. She hasn’t been able communicate it all in the few stolen moments of phone calls across continents. The last she had seen her mom was at the airport waving her hand happily seeing Meena going in, to join Shankar in Seattle after her marriage.

Thinking all this, unaware, Meena started crying. She got up thinking that she should call her brother and tell him to go ahead with the ceremony and not wait for her. She would join eventually by the 4th or 5th day. She did not want to see mom. It was more comforting remembering the mom who was waving her hand at Meena.

Rain

Been listening to songs from Guru for sometime now. Listening to Barso Re from Guru in a loop the last few days. Should be more than a week. Sometimes I get hooked up to a particular song and keep listening to it like no other song exists in this world.

Barso Re makes me go back in time to the rain songs of Raja. To the late 80’s and early 90’s. To getting wet in the rain during college days when granma was around. To coming home drenched to a hot cup of coffee or bournvita. To the hot onion pakodas and bajjis made by granma. To the smell of all these welcoming you when you come home. To the hot water waiting for me to wash myself after that eventful ride in PTC. To Granny waiting with all these eagerly for me.

It rained hard during the weekend here in Dallas. I did get wet on Friday. Me and R had Mexican food at our favorite place straight from work. Went home wet. Took a hot shower. Missed the smell of coffee or choclate. Missed the presence of elders in the house. So many things change with age, time, and place.

It was cold winter rain. Not the cool rain of the monsoon. I sometimes miss that. More so when I listen to songs like these.

ps. Yet to see Guru.

Losing a Loved One

A colleague’s father breathed his last, last night. He had been struggling for some months now, so its not very painful to know that she is not going to have her father around anymore. These days; I keep hearing such stuff a lot. Makes me realize that I am growing old. People in my circle are growing old and their parents in turn are growing old. I am not scared of death. It’s something that makes your realize that this life on earth is not going to last an eternity and one day your turn will come. I guess, handling the turn when your loved ones are taken away from you is more painful than that of your end. I cannot say that for sure yet, for I did struggle to come to terms when I lost my loved ones and havent seen mine yet. Especially my granny. I lost her even before she could breathe her last and that really hurt me a lot. This news being the first thing that I heard when I came in today, made me go down memory lane.

The worst part is the void you feel when you know you do not have that person in flesh and blood around you. It’s that void that is way too unsettling to take in. And having her in flesh and blood and you still cannot reach her for she is not available to you in worldly terms is painful. The most is when you see her in pain. Hopefully, all that is gone once the soul leaves the body.

May his soul rest in peace.

WHY?

This article made me write this. First it was the Gaziabad Ashram, then it was a small dalit girl paying her fingers as price for a bunch of spinach, then the Noida killings, and now this. What is wrong with man? This particular post, left me all queasy inside. How can people be so heartless? And to realize that all this is happening around me makes me feel totally depressed. With civilization supposedly at its peak, there is violence everywhere around us. Why? How can man commit such heinous crimes against his brethren? Everywhere around us, we see violence. Where are we going? WHY?

How is 2007 coming along?

With 2006 officially left behind, we start hearing the question, so how is 2007 coming along? Or it is sometimes, how do you like 2007 so far? I find it funny to answer. Every day is a new year by itself. So I do not understand this silly question of how do you find 2007.

For official reasons, financial reasons, for academic reasons, for agricultural reasons and for so many such reasons, I see the need for marking a day as a beginning of the year. It may be like any important day of the year, which serves as a marking for any reason. It could be the equivalent of the equinox for example. But why do we attach so much of importance to this marker than the rest.

On the lighter side of it, I do enjoy the holidays that comes along with it. The feel of the holiday season is always a welcome. Right from my school days, I have been trained to have holidays during this season and during my school days it used to be Christmas holidays or as we used to call it, half-yearly holidays. There was a quarterly holidays too. Alias Pooja holidays for a week to 10 days. The half-yearly holidays were longer. They used to go for more than 10 days and not more than 15.

Those days were fun. Playing around, reading Amar Chitra Katha, Tinkle, Chandamama and the like. With granny preparing many different things to eat. Also, with the many holidays coming in, mom and dad used to be at home. They were mostly fun but for the times when me and brother used to have a fight and sulk around for sometime. But thinking back even that was fun. More than the New Year concept, it used to the fun of the whole family together that made them special. Guess that’s what makes such holidays fun and makes us get nostalgic at times like this.

As we grow up we start asking a lot of questions and the novelty of many things in life is lost. Once the television came in, it started having programs for the New Year’s Eve. It used to be an attraction for a couple of years. That’s the first time, I heard that term, and I remember asking my teacher what it means. But I still haven’t grasped the feel of what is so important about it to go about making such a big racket on account of it. There can be so many eve(s) that we can follow as a tradition where we can have the same racket.

One thing that I have understood over the years, people need some reason to freak out and enjoy. They just cannot enjoy for the very sake of enjoying. And I haven’t still understood why. One thing I have come to dislike over the years are those programs that these different channels churn out to hold their audience during such festive times. Eeeks… they just gobble up the time without you being aware that they have taken your time off.

As a resolution, I have decided not to watch too much TV this year. As it is I watch less and I am going to refrain from watching even that little and use that time to do more reading. Let me see how it goes. That way if someone asks me around March as to how is 2007 coming along, I would have something different to answer too. I might even look forward to someone asking me such a question.

Acham Illai

This is a one of the many favorites again. This one is on the FEAR that ends up engulfing us many times due to many reasons. Every time, I listen to it, I wonder what would have propelled the poet to come up with a song like this. I always question the mind set, that he must have had when he came up with the lyrics. Wondering at all these makes me pay repeated salutes to the Mahakavi.

1. The poet is not very happy in his personal life.
2. He is not happy with the way India is still under the British rule.
3. He is not understood by many and is not bothered about it.
4. He is been accused of causing disturbances among people and is searched by the police for coming up with songs and writings favoring the Freedom Movement.
5. Not wanting to land up in the Jail, he has been repeatedly running away to Pondicherry.

With so much happening in his life, I am not sure when he wrote this poem. But the way he had written it is surely sometime, when he must have let himself to fear for some brief moments or when some one must have really tried to create fear in him. Or it could even be, seeing the fear in people’s eyes around him as a result of the British rule, he might have sung it to make people get out the fear and go ahead with their duty and believe in themselves.

What I like most about the song is with all the serious stuff, he has also added young women casting their eyes upon him. That is where he talks about diversion. You can find so many different layers of meaning into the song. Just go ahead in your path and eventually you will be where you want to be. Have no fear. That is how I take this song for me. Whatever this song has a way of making you feel confident in doing your stuff after listening to it and has been a favorite of mine right from my 2nd grade or 3rd grade.

The refrain Acham Illai has a nice ring to it and SPB would have sung it beautifully in the movie called Ezhavadhu Manithan. L. Vaidhiyanathan had a very different way of composing music for the same. One of my favorite rendition of the song.

You can hear all the songs from the movie Ezhavadhu Manithan here. It also has the above said one. Lyrics for all the songs in that movie were Mahakavi’s.

Note: I have transliterated the Tamil lyrics. They are bold and italicized
with the translation being followed in regular font.It is a crude translation
and is my humble attempt in translating my favorite poet.

Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye
Ichagathullor ellam edhirthu nindra podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!
Let the whole world turn against and confront me;
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Thuchamaga enni nammai thooru seidha podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let it be that I am treated as dust and be abused
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Pichai vaangi unnum vaazhkai petru vitta podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let it be that I have to beg for food;
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Ichai konda porul ellam ezhandhu vitta podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let it be that I have lost all that is close to my heart;
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Kachanidha Kongai Maadhar Kangal Veesum Podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let young beautiful women cast their eyes on me;
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Nachai Vayile Konarndhu Nanbar Ootum Podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let a friend feed me poison;
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Pachai Yuniyaindha Verpadaigal Vandha Podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let an army come clad in their military uniform;
I have no fear. No, not a trace of it!

Uchi meedhu vaan idindhu veezhugindra podhilum
Acham Illai, Acham Illai, Acham enbadhillaiye

Let the sky come crumbling down on my head;
I still have no fear. No, not a trace of it!